A rash of domestic violence cases has hit the front pages and airwaves recently both in Calgary and internationally.  Inextricably linked to local domestic violence is the low vacancy rate in our city – just 1.3%. It’s the lowest since economic boom in 2006. There are also long waitlists both for Calgary Housing subsidies and for second-stage shelters.

Women may stay in violent relationships for differing and complex reasons, like power and control issues; however, one of the primary factors is the absence of places to flee to or the financial ability to break away independently.  This problem is now aggravated by Calgary’s low availability of affordable rentals and housing.

Though Discovery House was first established as a traditional second-stage shelter for women and children leaving domestic violence, the size of our waitlists influenced our expansion to include a Community Housing outreach model.  Our Housing Liaisons help victims to find living spaces that meet their family’s needs, and give them the same individualized, long-term support and community links that we give to our residential clients.

But with low vacancy rates, landlords can now pick and choose their ideal tenants. There’s been considerable media coverage on the ideal tenant: a professional individual or couple with a stable income, no kids and no pets.  Our clients don’t fit this bill. They’re more likely to be from populations vulnerable to domestic violence such as immigrant and Aboriginal women. All our clients have children who are also at risk of lifelong psychological and emotional scars.

Discovery House is working with the Calgary Housing Authority and other Housing agencies to help our clients. Still, we hope landlords evaluate prospective tenants not based on what they’re not, but rather who they have the possibility of being.  Having made the decision to leave domestic violence, our clients are often also making other good choices around employment, education, financial management and parenting.

We can’t forget that for every high profile international case, like that of Oscar Pistorius and Reeva  Steenkamp, there are also thousands of Calgary cases.  Lacey Jones-McKnight died in an enclosed space at the hands of her boyfriend. We all need to work together to address the problem and create possibilities for these women and children.  Calgary landlords have a pivotal role.

The following is a “Letter to the Editor” sent by Brigitte and published in the Calgary Herald on Friday, November 2^nd. It’s critical that Lacey Jones-McKnight’s legacy is one of a collective and collaborative effort in preventing domestic violence.

Naomi Lakritz’s column expressed concern that women continue to get into abusive relationships despite red flags. A “take responsibility” stance was woven through her text.

What about the perpetrator’s responsibility and his choice to end a young woman’s life?

It is all of Calgary’s responsibility – individuals, families, schools, work-places and community organizations – to raise the awareness and understanding of domestic violence.

We need to build the resources and options, particularly for women. In 85 per cent of domestic violence cases, they’re the targets.

At the root of domestic violence are complex layers of societal, gender and power influences. Violence against women is sadly not deviant or episodic behaviour. It’s shockingly normative, functional and common. Abusers are experts in justifying their behaviour.

Many men think they own their women. It sometimes doesn’t matter how much distance a target puts between herself and the perpetrator or how many “domestic violence” Google searches she does.

Lakritz correctly notes the Calgary police received 16,500 domestic-related calls in 2011, a staggering number that takes up more of their resources than any other crime. As Chief Rick Hanson noted in a CBC interview, despite the massive resources allocated to the domestic violence problem, the system did fail Lacey Jones-McKnight – a system of support agencies, community, friends and family members of the perpetrator, as well as the police.

While the investigation may yield lessons for the police in not zeroing in on this case as high risk, we all need to take responsibility for ignoring misogynistic, abusive language and behaviour that too often spills into violence.

In the wake of Lacey’s untimely death, and wings of November, Alberta’s family violence month, let’s not point fingers at anyone but the perpetrator.

Have you heard of V-Day? The ‘V’ in V-Day stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina, and it’s coming up on February 14, 2013.

V-Day  is a global activist movement to end violence against women and girls. It’s a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money, and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations. V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM), and sex slavery.

Through V-Day campaigns, local volunteers and college students produce annual benefit performances of The Vagina Monologues, A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer, Any One Of Us: Words From Prison, screenings of V-Day’s documentary Until The Violence Stops, and the PBS documentary What I Want My Words To Do To You, Spotlight Teach-Ins and V-Men workshops, to raise awareness and funds for anti-violence groups within their own communities.  For more information go to: http://www.vday.org

Daniel Tosh Getting Angry

Here’s the text of the BLOG written by the woman who was offended by comedian Daniel Tosh’s inappropriate retort when she expressed her offense at rape jokes. Though Tosh later apologized, it showcases how endemic the problem of sexual violence and dominance is in everyday male vernacular . . . not to mention sense of humour. 

 “So, on Friday night my friend and I were at her house and wanted to get out and do something for the evening. We brainstormed ideas and she brought up the idea of seeing a show at the Laugh Factory. I’d never been, I thought it sounded fun, so we went. We saw that Dane Cook, along some other names we didn’t recognize we’re playing, and while we both agree that Cook’s style is not really our taste we were opened-minded about what the others had to offer. And we figured even good ol’ Dane can be funny sometimes, even if it’s not really our thing. Anyhow, his act was actually fine, but then when his was done, some other guy I didn’t recognize took the stage. Of course, I would find out later this was Daniel Tosh, but at the time I thought he was just some yahoo who somehow got a gig going on after Cook. I honestly thought he was an amateur because he didn’t seem that comfortable on stage and seemed to have a really awkward presence. 
So Tosh then starts making some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc. I don’t know why he was so repetitive about it but I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didn’t appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”

I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape. 

After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” and I, completely stunned and finding it hard to process what was happening but knowing i needed to get out of there, immediately nudged my friend, who was also completely stunned, and we high-tailed it out of there. It was humiliating, of course, especially as the audience guffawed in response to Tosh, their eyes following us as we made our way out of there. I didn’t hear the rest of what he said about me.

Now in the lobby, I spoke with the girl at the will-call desk, and demanded to see the manager. The manager on duty quickly came out to speak with me, and she was profusely apologetic, and seemed genuinely sorry about what had happened, but of course we received no refund for our tickets, but instead a comped pair of tickets, although she admitted she understood if we never wanted to come back. I can imagine the Laugh Factory doesn’t really have a policy in place for what happens when a woman has to leave in a hurry because the person onstage is hurling violent words about sexual violence at her. Although maybe I’m not the first girl to have that happen to her. 

I should probably add that having to basically flee while Tosh was enthusing about how hilarious it would be if I was gang-raped in that small, claustrophic room was pretty viscerally terrifying and threatening all the same, even if the actual scenario was unlikely to take place. The suggestion of it is violent enough and was meant to put me in my place.”

Please reblog and spread the word.

          “There are times when the simple dignity of movement can fulfill the function of a volume of words,” said famed dancer Doris Humphrey. A packed Vertigo Theatre and a standing ovation for the Mpact dancers’ performance of “Something to Say-Make Poverty Personal,” earlier this month indeed spoke volumes about the shared struggles between the poor and wealthy. Both deface humanity and impoverish the soul.
          The show, produced by Connie Jakab, was sold-out every night. It raised $2,300 and helped to enlighten the possibilities of dance, art and conversation in bridging the divide between rich and poor.
          “Connie and her team of dancers did an extraordinary job communicating the sadness, hope, and different circumstances of those living in poverty,” says Raman Basi from Discovery House. “Through movement, the dancers brought emotion to the hearts of the audience.”
          Together with Mpact’s talented dancers and a host of giving organizations (see list below), the audience received a vivid reminder that everyone has the capacity to heal hearts and build bridges through kindness, creativity . . . and dance.

To learn more about Mpact go to: www.mpactdance.com
For pictures go to: culturerebel.com

Partners included: Discovery House, 3 Things for Calgary, Birthday Buddies Inc., Brown Bagging for Calgary’s Kids, Calgary Dream Centre, Calgary Homeless Foundation, Highbanks Society, Humanity In Practice, Inn from the Cold, NeighbourLink, Role Mothers, Salvation Army, Servants Anonymous Society, Sonshine Community Services, Alex Youth Health Centre, the Drop in Centre, United Way, The Victory Foundation, Simon House Recovery Centre, The Mustard Seed, YWCA Calgary, Decidedly Jazz Danceworks, COHR Health, and Legacy One.